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Today’s Lie: I Can’t Be Honest With You

The Bull 3Who hasn’t been in a situation where you realize you have some deep-seeded truth within you that could impact others in your life?  You refrain from speaking your truth because it may cost you a job, a friend, a fiance, a lover….and so you keep that secret to yourself.  Keeping the secret keeps you safe.

secretSometimes you imagine what the conversation would be like, if you were to disclose this deep-dark secret (that might not even be that deep and dark) and in every outcome, you foresee losing out.

 

The Bust

The real irony of keeping that secret to yourself is that you are actually creating a deep wedge between you and the person you fear will reject you.  Because it is frequently on your mind when you are with the people you’re hiding this from, you will have to keep a piece of yourself from them.

I write this post because someone I don’t know well just shared a secret with me. Well, it’s more a truth that they could have kept hidden.  They told me this truth understanding that it cold push me away and I’d never want to see them again.  The details don’t matter, but because I am in complete admiration of the courage and integrity and respect this person showed me, and their risk to be vulnerable, it made me realize that sometimes, it is by having the courage to be honest, early, that relationships can grow.  From honesty comes compassion, and from this place, comes trust.  And, rather than losing a connection, you may actually strengthen it.

So, if you’re holding on to a secret or a truth that is distancing you from a loved one, consider a few things:

  • By not speaking up sooner than later, you make the potential impact, whatever it is, worse
  • By speaking up, you give that person choices – they can choose their path in relation to you now having full knowledge of your circumstances
  • Being vulnerable is scary, and takes great courage.  If doing so pushes someone away, perhaps it’s better that way.  If it doesn’t push them away, it may make you closer.
  • Sometimes people just need time to accept and make peace with your truth

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2 Comments

  1. I think you and I are on the same page with this one! If your readers are interested in this subject they can read more about it in my blog article ‘An Elephant in the room’ http://laurajstephens.com/2013/06/

    As a therapist, I feel there is a lot of ‘bull’ around the subject so the more said the better…

    • Thanks Laura!

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