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Today’s Lie: I Did Something Wrong

The Bull 3Have you ever gone on a great date, had great follow up and then nothing? For ladies, this can become a devastating head rush of over analyzed scenarios of what you did wrong, how you should have done something different, and deep questioning that rips your focus from your friends and activities you love.  “If only you had not told him that you wanted to see him again, by making yourself over-eager.” “If only you hadn’t told her you liked her so much on the first date,” “If only you hadn’t talked about your ex,”….

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Your mind gets wrapped up in spinning every damn scenario, in which either you are wrong, or your date is an asshole, and you just want to talk to everyone you can to somehow understand what the heck is going on!

The BustThe thing is, when it comes to dating, often times the silence has nothing to do with us, it’s just silence.  But we LOVE to fill in silence with scenarios, don’t we?!  And, we are intent on believing that the stories we make up are right, and then we can cross someone off as a jerk, and heaven help us if we SEE that person again, we will really have a go at them, even though, as it turns out, they were in the hospital for a week after an accident, and we think the hospital bracelet is a ruse…

Here’s the thing. Maybe your date is a complete asshole and saved you from herpes and a broken heart. Maybe they have crap going on in their lives that they’d rather not explain. And maybe they are just not as into you as you are into them.

If all you did was be yourself then you did nothing wrong but highlight this person isn’t for you.

deserve betterBlaming yourself for someone else’s lack of response to you serves no purpose, other than driving yourself nuts and blinding you to other opportunities that are no doubt right in front of your face. Instead if lamenting over what’s not working, why not focus on someone worth your time? At the end of the day, if you focus on how you want to be treated, and you align with the fact that this person isn’t giving it to you, you’ll realize you deserve better and set your radar in a new direction.  So, here are a few tips to help you in that direction:

  1. Shift Your Focus.  Using a wonderful technique from Jerry and Esther Hicks in “Ask and It Is Given,” focus on your emotions.  If they are hurting, then now is the ideal occasion to ask, “Now that I know what I DON’T want, what DO I want?”
  2. Realize there are plenty of fish in the sea!  For million reasons, yes, you can be sad, but you can also choose to be happy, and trust that someone else will bring to you a more enriching experience.  Let go of the hold on the negative, and open to the postive.
  3. Look at the Lesson.  Though it might have been painful, the experience has come with a valuable lesson.  And, no, it’s not that “All men/women suck”.  Find the true, deeper lesson, and let that inspire your next date!

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