This week is another video blog. I’m taking a great class on making your own videos, so thought I’d put those lessons to good use.
This video was made with fun in mind – but watching other people’s videos is a great way to learn what to do, and what not to do. For example, notice the parts where I am in partial sunlight, versus fully in the shade, and how that impacts lighting. Notice the scene changes, and how not all the scene cuts are perfect. Notice the zoom in and zoom outs versus the section where we have the same viewpoint for a longer time. Where do you feel engaged/interested and why? (These are the things to replicate.) Where do you feel the video loses your interest and why? (These are the things to avoid doing in your videos.) Enjoy!
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Today’s Lie of the Day is brought to you by video – hit play to hear 3 tips to boost your results at your next networking event:
I recently found some notes from several years ago in a coaching program I was taking at the time. I had scribbled down a conversation between myself, and, my self. It was down and dirty and a lot of expletives were thrown around as I battled a bad people-pleasing issue I had going on. My favorite part of the exercise was:
Me: “So, basically, you’ve wasted years of your life, doing what everyone else thinks you should do and now you can’t make a fucking decision about anything without seeking someone else’s input on what you should do! That’s fucking lame!”
Me 2: “I see your point.”
Me: “Stop trying to please ME of all people! You know you’re pissed at what I just said.”
I know, it’s a nice fantasy that we can make everyone we work with, everyone we are friends with, and everyone we are family with, be happy 100% of the time.
The truth is, the harder we try to make someone happy, the more likely we will make them UNhappy. First off, it takes a lot of work to make someone happy, but try to make MORE than one person happy, oy! As we work hard to please others, it is inevitable that we have to sacrifice a part of our own happiness in the process. How do you feel when you make a sacrifice to please someone, and they don’t appreciate it? Angry? Resentful?…And if you feel bitter, imagine how you are making the object of your pleasing feel!
Now, bring this habit into running a business, or being a leader, and it’s a recipe for complete disaster. I’ve learned the hard way, that when you lead a group, it is just not possible to please every one, every time. (I did try really hard, though!) That trying got me really tired, and it used up too much of my time.
So, I’ve learned that to lead, you have to accept that some of your decisions may make people unhappy. If you have employees, you need to set a standard and hold everyone to it. You have to actually tell employees what you need and how you want things done, and then hold them accountable to doing those things. Unfortunately, when we just assume that everyone “gets it” we end up frustrated and confused at how on earth someone working for us could be so far off target. Worse yet, if you rely on people-pleasing skills, you try giving rewards to make a bad performing employee do better, and you end up teaching them that the worse they perform, the more likely they will get a reward! It starts with the leadership they are getting – we have to help them succeed.
When you run a business, people-pleasing can kill your profit. This habit is what will have you lowering your rates because you buy into sob stories, or because you want so badly to be liked that you start the relationship right off with anything you can do to make someone like you. Now, you’ve set a precedent – when someone comes back to do business with you, they will want more price cuts from you because you have trained them to devalue your service, which, in turn, will have you devaluing your service too, and, possibly, yourself – don’t do it!
Sometimes, you have to say no to what you don’t want in order to allow the space for what you do want.
Today’s blog comes from getting absolutely frustrated with some of the business cards I see. Frustrated, because, I believe that if you want to succeed at your business, you CAN, but you need to change how you’re going about using the tools that can get you business! Do you know what it’s called a business card? Because, the point is, it’s supposed to connect you with BUSINESS! Now, if you think “Heather, duh!” double check your cards. If you really understand that your card is meant to get you business, here are a few things you better double check, and if any of these are YOU, then please, get new cards immediately! This post may seem harsh, but I know you can do better, so it has to be said!
You don’t list your name on your card. Yup, I actually got one of these cards recently, no joke. If you have a business name with your name in it, make sure you put your first and last name separately! Here’s an example. I have a business called Heather’s Handbags. My last name is not Handbag. So, if I don’t put my last name on there, you are going to be pissed! (With good reason.) More importantly, you can’t look me up on social media (if I don’t have my last name on my card, it follows suit that it might not be on my website, or, that my website is under development, and now what do you do?!)
Your email address requires a microscope to see. Seriously, why on earth would you make the most important part of your card so hard to read? How can I do business with you if I cannot read your email address or phone number or website? If you think you will get business from people, you MUST make it easy for them to contact you! If I have to buy magnifying glasses to read your card, it’s going in the garbage.
Your email address is confusing. Many of you use a gmail account for business. (By the way, if you want to be taken seriously, buy a domain name, and use that as your email. A gmail address suggests you have a hobby, not a business.) The other problem with using a gmail (or aol, or outlook…) account is that no doubt, you are duplicating someone else’s email address, and so have to put a number someplace in the email address to distinguish yourself. Guess what numbers you all pick? The number 1 and the number 0. You see where I am headed, right? I am already frustrated that I cannot read your email address because it’s so small, and NOW because it is so small, I cannot figure out whether that is a number or a letter! AAARGH! With the tiny fonts you choose, it becomes impossible to tell whether it’s a “1” or the letter “l”. Is that the number 0, or the letter o? Seriously, stop with the numbers and just get a real email address!
You list all 25 of your businesses. I get it, you are multi-talented and have lots of interests, great! But, the same way I don’t go to a Burger King and expect or trust they have good sushi, your exorbitant menu of services on your card completely confuses everyone you give it to, and makes it impossible to understand which business you excel at. I have worked with countless people to help them tie together all the things they do in a way that potential customers can understand, so I know it can be done with a simple business statement! You must make it easy for us to understand what you do, or your card is going in the garbage.
Like a resume, your card will end up in a stack of other cards on somebody’s desk. (Unless they scan your card, and by the way, a lot of scanners cannot read your small fonts either, so again, what a pity if someone scans your card, then chucks it, only to realize, too late, that your email wasn’t captured, bummer for you! And we would have hired you if only we could have figured out how to reach you!) Make sure you stand out, instead of getting chucked.
Need help figuring out if YOUR card stands up to the garbage test? Book a BullBusting session and find out!
Right now, you are probably walking around unaware of how much crap you are tolerating in your life. By crap, I am talking about things that you actually hate tolerating, but have come to make excuses about, in order to sleepwalk into believing you have to tolerate them. And you wonder why you are sick and tired!
At a recent intensive with my business mentor, we were given a really simple exercise that blew my mind. The instructions were:
- Write down 50 things you are tolerating right now. (e.g. a bad haircut, cracked dishes, a shitty boss, being overweight, clutter….)
- Write down your top business goals
- Figure out what you are tolerating that is holding you back from accomplishing these goals
I went through the exercise, and part way through, realized I was tolerating a full bladder. “Hahahaaaaaaaaaaa,” I thought that was so funny. I didn’t want to leave the room out of fear of missing important information, or being rude. Then I got emotional. I also got up and emptied my bladder. On the way there and back, I realized how often I tolerate a full bladder. I make my biological needs secondary to friends’ conversations because I don’t want to interrupt them. To speakers because I don’t want them to think I’m rude leaving the room. To turbulence because my seatbelt should be fastened…then I thought about other ways I tolerate behavior that makes me feel secondary, unseen, unheard, and BOY did I get mad!
In fact, I was staying at a hotel, and the night before we did this exercise, my neighbors came back after midnight, made TONS of noise, blasted the TV, banged their furniture, and I thought, “They’ll be quiet eventually, I know they will. I don’t want to make them mad by calling security.” Well, the second night, when they repeated their actions, I picked up the damn phone, and called security, and they finally piped down, and it made me realize I don’t actually have to tolerate most of the bullshit I’ve put up with in my life.
Now, this exercise is not easy. Well, actually, it’s fairly easy to make a list of the things you are tolerating. The hard part is doing something to change those tolerations. And, what if some of those tolerations are in your spouse, or your kids? How do you navigate toleration versus compromise, because you can’t compromise your tolerances. You may have to move away from people or places that behave in ways you do not tolerate – you cannot change them, you can only change yourself.
At the very least, I highly recommend you do this exercise to get an idea of what you are tolerating. From that awareness, you can make a plan to change, and those changes will radically impact your life and your business.
How often do you tell someone, “I don’t have enough time?” Or, “I wish I had enough time to….” or “I wish I had more time!” You don’t. Telling someone you don’t have time is full of bull. We all have exactly the same time as everyone else.
What you do have are priorities. I was reminded of our relationship with time on a recent radio interview. A couple of years ago, I enjoyed a FANTASTIC trip to Sedona, Arizona. In fact, it was so good I had absolutely no desire, in that moment, to return to New York. I mentally fantasized about driving off in Arizona, or wherever I wanted, until I was done driving off wherever I had wanted to drive off to. Reluctantly, I drove the car to the airport, and as I returned it, the agent who checked my mileage in the car asked me, “How was your trip?” I replied, “It was so good I don’t feel like leaving.” He said, “You don’t have to. We have your information on file, you can just head back out, and keep the car as long as you like.” I laughed. And then I realized he was right.
As always, I had created my schedule. I had booked the date of my return flight, which was changeable (though would cost me more money.) I had booked my doctor appointment the next day, which was also changeable (though would mean a long wait for another appointment). I had work to do (which could really be done from anywhere.) Though I did not keep the car and ride into the sunset, what I did do is realize that I am in full control of my schedule and my life.
So, remember, you decide what to prioritize – your family, your friends, your clients, your job. You fill your schedule with the activities you choose to fill it with – a job you hate, work you love, sports, trips, etc. You do not HAVE to do your job, unless you choose to keep that job. Every choice you make has an impact, yes. You may not always like that impact. But you still have a choice, and you still fill your time the way you want to fill it.
So, next time you say no because of lack of time, acknowledge that you simply chose to do something else.